Saturday, March 19, 2005

Why Did God Kill 250,000 persons? The Top Ten Answers.

By now, preachers of religion are probably inundated by a tsunami of questions very difficult to answer. How can God allow such a tragedy as the tsunami disaster to happen? More than 250,000 persons were killed in a few hours. Why did God allow this?

Since the mental faculty to answer such an inquisition has been dulled by decades of bible-study, I am sure that more than a few christian preachers now showered by such questions are unable to answer. Unfortunately for these preachers, the collection of ancient hebrew superstitions and legends called the bible does not provide any help in this matter. (How a book as ancient, as barbaric and as primitive as the bible is considered to be moral and spiritual guide for modern times is beyond me.)

But fear not, where the bible is silent, HellCat offers assistance. In the interest of reconciliation I hereby present my help. Herewith are the top ten answers to the question of

Why Did God Kill 250,000 people during christmas 2004?

  1. Why do you ask stupid questions like that? Don't you know that God has died for our sins? Now go to the corner and pray the Hail Mary and the Our Father 280,000 times!
  2. For God so loved the world that he decided to send 280,000 souls to heaven at once! Don't you wish you were one of the saved? The hour of the rapture be upon us.
  3. Why do you focus on the 280,000 dead? Do you know that there are at least a dozen cases where people have been saved from the disaster by their abiding faith in God? Why focus on the disaster when there are authenticated stories of savings by angels, strength due to faith and the healing power of prayer? You are so negative! Faith saves!
  4. Children, remember that Jesus our Lord was born only a few hours before so of course as a baby He can't possible do anything! Can you help your parents when you were but a baby? Of course not, so why do we expect the gentle baby Jesus to know what to do?
  5. My child, are you aware that the majority of South Asians are not christians? God has simply shown them the error of their ways!
  6. God has warned the world of its sins! God is merciful and just, but because of the sins of the United States where pornography, Godlessness, sin, sex, contraceptives and rock N roll are common, God has no choice but to kill thousands upon thousands of innocent South Asians to serve as warning! The hour of repentance is at hand! Repent! Repent! Repent! Or the merciful God shall unleash another disaster upon us. Can you imagine how much it pains our Saviour to kill so many of us?
  7. Children, do you remember when I told you that to maintain our spirituality we must go to Church regularly? A few sinners went to the beach instead of the church and look what happened! So, always go to church regularly or the devil will tempt you to sin!
  8. The tsunami never happened! It is but a figment of the evil imagination of atheist journalists, infidel tourists and by a secular and ungodly media like CNN!
  9. The disaster was caused by the stupidity of human beings. If only Adam and Eve did not sin and pass on their ungodliness to us, this tsunami wouldn't have happened. Only God has perfect knowledge. The stupidity of man is the reason hundreds of thousands were killed by the tsunami.
  10. The tsunami is a terrorist attack on the germans, swiss and other european christian nations by a handful of ungodly infidels intent on leading the world astray from the path of Jesus our Lord! How dare they besmirch the blood of martyrs on the day of our Lord's birth! President Bush should should immediately attack Iran.


Blogger mitch said...


12:32 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home